My status:

Currently, single and still trying to get a mate. Hahaha

The truth is I am still in limbo between a teenager and an adult. I am growing up but I dont know how. My faith towards humanity has just been restored back after a tragic incident at school (read the page about my life) with the help of a few good friends.

Presently weird, alone and hating/loving it, I am currently trying to deal with the oh so many changes of life. Seeking solace not in friends although they are dependable but they are not always there for me, forcing me to seek solace in songs. Songs that reflect my feelings. Songs are my best friends, in other words, which makes the Ipod a necessity to maintain my sanity.

Constantly struggling with both mental (depression and alter egos) and physical conflicts (trying to be more fit than a tub of lard I currently am) I am in great pain day in and day out but I cannot tell anyone about this, because they will never understand what I have to go through. My parents only makes it worse by constantly reminding me of my mistakes and of how pathetically useless I am most of the time. No siblings to hide behind when I am attacked.

Currently looking like the cute, cheerful and innocent boy next door (dont even know if my ulgy deformed face qualifies me for that term) but I am not always cheerful so I am trying to express myself in gothic fashion. Still trying to accumulate the resources. I find it very hard to express myself as my friends express explicit shock when told them I wanted to go goth. The fact is with my oh so innocent look, a lot of people pick on me, thinking that I am oh so weak. I'm weird and I do not want to try and hide and deny the fact, but the problem is, I am not allowed to.

I made the mistake of opening up myself to some random guy online and ended up getting really hurt and betrayed when that guy decided to disappoint me. Because, first of all, I am not someone who opens up and trusts someone that easily, but during that time, the torment of my depression was too much I just cracked open to anyone who appeared in front of me during that time. In the end he turned the tables after a mere 2 months of chatting but still we are friends.

I tried to be strong and independent, but in the end I ended up being weaker then I started. I then had no choice but to hang on to a few friends for help. Desperately trying to climb out from the pit that pulled me down, I scratch and scream but yet I end up at the same place I started. T exhaust all my life energy but I cannot climb back up...

Most of the time, when I have nothing to do, I lock myself in my room, pull the curtains, lock the door, turn off all the lights and enjoy the darkness. It is here that my constant struggles with myself are put at ease. It is here that my wounds will not be created and will be healed. It is here where I feel like I am being punished for my incompetence in the world, atoning for my sins to all around me.

I listen to songs of yesteryear, try to act like a kid, and try my best to be sociable in a feeble attempt to recover a lost childhood. However, things are just not the same anymore.

But now, it is time to move on from the past. Clean the closets and trash out the skeletons. It's a new me from now on. I cannot be the person I was in the past anymore.

My soundtrack

Since I like music so much, I obviously have my very own OST. The compilation of songs that reflect me. Each and every sentence of these songs really do reflect me.

Joey's OST

OPENING INTRO: Darren Hayes - Darkness

1: Sarah McLahln - Aida

2: Avril Lavinge - Nobody's Home

3: Evanescence - Away from me

4: Savage Garden - To the moon and back

5: Mandy Moore - Cry

6: Maroon 5 - She will be loved

7: The Brilliant Green - Hello Another Way

8: Eason Chan - Tommorow of Next year (meng lin kam yat)

9: Peach Union - Own My Own

10: Nelly Furtado - Try

11: Leo Ku - Ai yu seng

12: Lene - Bad Coffee Day

13: Bjork - Who Is it

14: Michelle Branch - Sweet Misery

15: Natalie Imbruglia - Hurricane

16: Liang Jing Ru (Fish Leung) - Cai Hong

17: Melanie C - Feel The Sun

18: Frou Frou - Let Go

ENDING (my funeral theme song): Evanescence - Listen To The Rain